I hate wearing pants, so usually I’ll walk around the house in a tee-shirt and underwear. Well, yesterday I was getting ready to see the guy I’ve been seeing for almost two months (I’ll just can him Mr.Smith). Fresh out of the shower, I put on my Star Wars tee and then decided I was hungry; I went to the kitchen and pulled out some mochi ice cream from the freezer. After I was don’t eating, I went back to the bathroom and finished getting ready. It wasn’t long until I realized that I still didn’t have pants on. I started to rush around the house knowing that Mr.Smith was going to be there soon. I began to yell, “Where are my pants? Does anyone know where my pants are?” My sister began laughing, “You never wear pants and now that you need them you can’t find them!” Then my mum joined in on poking fun at me. Finally after they made all of their jokes my sister told me that they were on the toaster in the kitchen. Of course, with me being me, I left them on the toaster when I was getting the mochi.
As some may know, I recently broke up with my boyfriend of four years. Pain and healing is likely to come with it. So I’m going to write out my personal step-by-step way (a.k.a the stages) of getting over a breakup. Whether you’re the breaker or the breaky. Some steps and stages might not apply to everyone, which is fine; everyone works differently.
- Breakup: Already done?.. perfect!
- Morn: You are very likely to miss your ex and it is perfectly find to be sad or angry.
- Distractions: This is where you try to keep your schedule full. Whether it be doing extra at work or making plans with friends. Just anything that keeps you busy and away from being by yourself. This is one stage that commonly goes unnoticed, but is very important. Most will look at it as, “Well, now that I’m not hanging out with my ex I have all this time to catch up with my friends.” which could easily be true. The best way to find out if you’re distracting yourself is to take a day to just relax, no extra work, no booked plans with friends, no busyness to your schedule, just a day for you to do low functioning things and to be with your thoughts. If you can’t stand being alone (not from boredom, but from feeling empty or sad), and you must stay busy, then you’re distracting yourself. And that’s perfectly fine, but do not get stuck in this stage!
- Change: You’ve already been through a big change of no longer having your sagnificant other with you, and now you might be looking around and thinking one of two things. Either, “I don’t need him/her! I just need to get rid of everything that reminds me of her/him.” or, “What the fuck have I been doing? Damn, I’m not happy with where I am.” And those thought are powerful. The second one is what lead me to quit my shit job and also start this blog. And I’m glad it did! This might also be the part where you start thinking about sex with someone else; it might be before this and it might be far after, but this is usually the part where sex comes in (personally, mine came before). And that’s fine! Don’t be worrying about your ex, or what he/she will think of you… they’re your ex for a reason. Have fun! But be safe, very safe. Do NOT jump right into another relationship. Lay down the ground rules that you only want friends with benefits and stick to that.
- Getting Healthy: (This is my favorite step. It’ll help with confidence, and happiness.) So you’ve been eating a little extra junk food since your breakup. That’s okay! If you can gain the extra squish, you can lose it as well. It just might take more time losing than gaining… but that doesn’t matter. You might be a little pissed that you don’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend anymore, so you’re going clean up your diet and hit the gym to make them wish they still had you. Even if that’s not what you want, you should do it anyway so you’re looking good for yourself. Plus you’ll start feeling pretty good too.
- Socialize: Now I know I just wrote take time for you and to not distract yourself, but this is a new stage. This is the point where you enjoy your free time and can be OK by yourself. Now it’s time to hangout with your friends and socialize with people.
- Being Content: The final step/stage. This is the part where you have your life back in order and you’re happy. You don’t regret your breakup, and you’re ready to fully move on. Yes, you might miss your ex, but more often than not it’s the memories that are missed. Through all of these steps/stages remember that they all take time, some longer than others, but you can and will get over them. Just stay strong and find your happy.
I got out of a four year relationship about four months ago. I thought that I was going to marry this guy. It all started off with me realizing that I didn’t know myself as a person; I only knew myself as “Brandon’s girlfriend”, as did everyone else. This is mainly my fault because he was pretty much the only thing I’d talk about. He was also the only person that I would hangout with. And a lot of the desicions I made went through him before I would act on them. It went all the way down to, “Hey, baby, do you think I could post this picture?”. So I told him that I thought we should break up so that I could “find myself” (I already know, *eye roll*), which of course ended dramatically. I didn’t really think that would be the full end of our relationship. I just thought that we would break up for a bit and then come back together, but I also didn’t want to take a break because I knew he would have expected me to check in with him and I would still feel guilty for even talking to other guys. I did let him know that I wasn’t sure if this was the true end of it and that if I found out I would tell him. I also told him that I didn’t expect him to wait around for me, if he found someone else within my “discovery” time that he could move on and I wouldn’t hold it against him. To be honest I think breaking up with him was one of the best decisions I made and I didn’t even tell anyone that I was going to do it. Well, after I made the commitment I felt very lost. And I noticed that I didn’t know how to make myself happy. I didn’t want to be alone whatsoever, I was always trying to make plans to avoid being by myself with my thoughts. And I knew that when I would make those plans I was just trying to distract myself and that was okay because I was in the first stage of the break up. I had gone from sleeping with one guy to three (Not all at once. Even though it’s perfectly fine for a woman to do that too.). But then soon I realized that I needed to take charge and I should be able to be alone without feeling empty. Now this part of the process started about two months ago, so I’m still working on it. After a while longer, I told him that we weren’t getting back together and it was final. Boy did he throw a fit! He was yelling at me, he yelled at my sister, he even yelled at my mum. I lost all respect for him after that. About fifteen minutes later he called me, and I just screamed at him. That day, I found out that I could be a very mean person, especially when you disrespect my family. It stayed like that for a bit then he apologized and asked if we could be friends. After he apologized and asked several more times I agreed. This next part I have to start out by informing you that he spoiled me in the relationship, but not always with good intentions because later he would use the typical “Well, I got this for you now you have to do these things for me.” method. So one of the things he gave me was a tablet because he got it for free with his new phone. At the time I didn’t have a phone and he thought it would be a good way to talk rather than sharing my mum’s phone. So I had all of my social media shit on there, logged in and opened. After a while, I ended up getting a phone so I didn’t use the tablet. And, as electronics do when they don’t get charged, it died. When Brandon and I had our last argument, he took away the tablet. Well, two weeks ago he messaged me just with the word “slut”. Then after that he sent me a screenshot of a flirtatious message that I had had with the guy I’m seeing now. He had finally charged the tablet and saw the messages after our breakup and decided that I was a slut for moving on. I felt kind of bad because it hit me that he hadn’t moved on at all, and that was very obvious since he was going through my stuff on an old tablet. So we got into another argument and he hasn’t talked to me since… thankfully.
As none of you know, but most could guess, I have no job at the moment. I quit my last job, that had me flipping burgers, a couple weeks ago. And I had an interview to be a bikini barista about thirty minutes ago. Now, I don’t want to say I was nervous, but I was shaking and ready to vomit the whole time. I wanted to maintain a good amount of eye contact, but I’m pretty sure it ended up just being a bug-eyed stare. I hope I did well. I mean what person with low self esteem and lack of over all confidence wouldn’t want to strut around in a tiny bikini and serve people their sticky, sweet drinks? Not to include that I’ll probably burn my tits off while making someone’s mocha-choca-skinny-chia-latte. I’m sure I’ll enjoy the job and the experience that comes with it, but I’m just a little confused on how such a small amount of clothing can keep a barista safe from boiling coffee and scalding milk. Oh well, fingers crossed, right?
As a young woman I have had my fair share of hoots, hollers, and whistles. I’m a naturally shy person when it comes to strangers, so if I’m being “catcalled” I’ll usually turn red in the face and try to get away without making eye contact. Well, a couple months ago a group of boys were in the Safeway parking lot, and I had just gotten done grocery shopping. As I was getting the bags into my car, the guys looked at me and tried to impress each other by yelling typical small-minded “complements” about my appearance. I had been having a shitty day and was not in the mood to have attention put on how my ass looked in those jeans. I should probably mention that I have a deep voice for a girl, especially when I yell. Anyway, I calmly turned to them and shouted, “The fuck you want?” while displaying the masculine, challenging posture that usually goes with the intense frase, “Wanna fight, bro?”. The boys stared at me with a shocked expressions while mumbling to one another. They all quickly gathered into their car and began driving away. At a last attempt action, one of them poked his head out of the window and replied to my rhetorical question, “Your number!” His comment had me laughing so hard! From now on, for my own entertainment, I think I’ll rebuke whenever a guy catcalls me.
I’ll let you know I have quite an appetite. Being 5′ 7″ and weighing 130 pounds I’m not the smallest of girls, but I’m not very big either. That being said, I have a huge place in my heart and stomach for food. When I’m interested in a guy I always warn them about the magnitude of my cravings. With that information they usually proceed to say something along the line of, “Don’t be embarrassed, I eat a lot too.” I take that as reassurance that they won’t judge me for my portion size(s). Foolish… I don’t know why I think that. I always order more than them and they always ask, “Are you going to be able to eat all of that?” and I’ll tell them a simple, “Yeah.” Then they doubt what I say, and brush it aside. At the end of the meal, it usually ends with them staring at me in disbelief. I return a look that says, “I told you I eat a lot.” and, “You were just out eaten by me.”
For almost two months now I’ve been consistently seeing a guy that accepts my appetite. Yes, he will often times still stare at me with that disbelieving look, but there’s something a little different in the way he does it. He always has a slight humor-filled smile and a certain kind of attraction in his eyes. The way he goes about it is very refreshing, and quite attractive in itself.
“What do you like to do for fun?” a question that I loath being asked. There are many different hobbies. Some people enjoy painting, while others may enjoy skydiving. Then there’s me… when I get asked about my hobbies I reply with an, “Uh. I don’t know.” Then I stand there for a moment scratching my ass, and when I finally come up with something it usually goes along the lines of, “Well, I like to dance, but it’s not really dancing. I just kind of jump around. And I used to collect old shoelaces.” How fucking sad is that? Then they usually reply with, “Oh… well, that’s nice.” And give a polite, sympathetic smile. In conclusion, I need to find better hobbies.