Confidence… what a pain in the ass. Confidence works a lot like being fit. It takes a lot to reach your goal, and you have to practice to maintain it. I personally have shitty confidence. I’m writing this specific blog post to help myself and others find their confidence. Here is my step-by-step list on how to become a confident person.
I will be exercising these tips, and will do my best to update this post or write a review on how it worked for me.
- Happy Thoughts– Having a positive mindset is extremely important for anything, especially if you’re feeling down. Thinking positively can change your outlook on life in so many ways. When it comes to confidence rather than thinking, “Oh gosh, that person just looked at me. Is there food on my face?” and getting uncomfortable, have that person’s glance be something that boosts you into, “That person totally just checked me out,” or, “They must like my shirt.” Obviously don’t put yourself all high-and-mighty and get cocky, but put a nice spin on things.
- Be a Bad Bitch– I don’t care if you’re a girl, guy, or other, we all have a “bad bitch” side. Don’t let people bring you down. And if someone tries to make you feel bad about yourself, make sure they know their place. I don’t mean beat them up or anything. There are several ways you can “correct” someone who puts you down. You can talk to them, just let them know they’re being rude or tell them you don’t like the jokes. Next, you can distance yourself from them; whether that’s blocking them on social media, or just not talking to them any more, it’s OK to distance yourself from them. Thirdly, you can take the fun out of their “jokes”. This is probably the solution I would suggest the least because it can cause them to think it’s fine if they’re mean to you, but it’s always something you can test. If someone is being mean to you, you can simply just joke with them, and often times it will suck the fun right out of the situation. Whatever you do, resume back to step one and keep a positive mindset. Don’t take it to heart when someone’s mean to you, it’s probably because they’re having a hard time with something else and they don’t know how to deal with it. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good! Also, never be afraid to stand up for yourself or others.
- Laugh at Yourself– It’s okay to laugh at yourself. Just because you make fun of the way you go cross eyed when you’re tired doesn’t make you a low confidence person. Just know that there’s a point where it’s no longer a joke, and that’s when you’re actually self conscious about it.
- Acting– People who flaunt their confidence are often times treated with more respect and people are less likely to point out their “flaws”. Act confident, even if you aren’t, and more likely than not you’ll start to realize that it feels good and it’ll become second nature. But always be true to yourself and don’t pretend to be someone else. Have the best posture you possibly can, open up with your body language, and work what you have! You’re lookin’ hot as hell!
- Be Kind to Others– Someone who is confident isn’t mean to others. When you have a bully, it’s usually because they’re self conscious, or they don’t know how to express their anger so they’re just mean to others. Plus when you go to the extent of complementing someone, you probably feel pretty good about making them feel good about themselves.
- Don’t Mind What Others Think– People can be hurtful. Well, screw them! Who gives a shit if they think you’re “full of yourself”. It doesn’t matter if they think your nose is crooked, or your eyes are looking different ways; you get your foxy, lopsided butt out there and throw your confidence in their jealous face!!
- Confident, Not Cocky– Now I know what I just wrote in the last step about being full of yourself but… there is a fine line between being confident and then just being cocky. Understand that you are equal to everyone, not better. Being cocky is a poisonous mindset. Yes, you’re hot! No, you can’t just do what you want.
- Your Personality is Attractive– I have met many pretty people in my short life, but if that person has a shit personality then they instantly become “ugly” to me. I know that they’re still very physically attractive, but I just can get past their personality and overall they become unattractive. Just know that you don’t have to be this absolutely gorgeous person to be attractive. People will like your looks, but fall in love with your personality.
- It’s OK!– It’s okay to have off days. Everyone does. Just curl up and watch a movie or read. What always makes me feel better is going for a walk, being in nature. Just don’t spiral down into an abyss of negativity.
- Be True to You– Confidence is a huge thing to accomplish, and you can get lost. Just be comfortable with who you are accept your quarks. You have been placed together in a unique order that nobody else can attain. The one thing that everyone has in common is that we are all imperfect perfections. Learn to love yourself, and know that you’re a sexy beast! (;
Someone’s kindness can be scary, especially if you’re dating them. You might be asking how. Well, here’s my reason/personal experience: Mr. Smith (my boyfriend) is very nice. The way he treats me is with pure-hearted kindness, which I’m not use to due to past relationships. Often times I feel as if I’ve somehow fooled him into thinking that I’m this near-perfect person, and I don’t like it. I want to know that he sees me for who I am. I’m afraid that he’s only seeing this “mask” and that one day he’ll see the true me and realize that he doesn’t like me. But I know that I’m being myself and it’s just who he is. He’s accepting of who I am, and very sweet. He constantly tells me that I’m beautiful and funny. I find this all scary. When a guy isn’t as nice I assume it’s because he is seeing the real me and that since he stays, he must really accept the true me. I assume that he understands all of my flaws. But whenever I’m with Mr. Smith my flaw will be showing to the fullest and yet he still shows a large amount of attraction. It’s almost as if he’s too perfect.
Valentine’s Day is in two days which might be making you nervous. Well… don’t be. The only reason why I think Valentine’s Day sucks is because it’s based on couples. Don’t get me wrong, celebrating your love for your significant other is beautiful; but there are so many people that don’t have a girlfriend or boyfriend, and that can make it very depressing for them. Valentine’s Day should be based on love in general, whether it be celebrated with a friend, or family member. So go out there and make this Valentine’s Day great! Enjoy the love that you share with whoever you want!
Happy day of love!
As some may know, I recently broke up with my boyfriend of four years. Pain and healing is likely to come with it. So I’m going to write out my personal step-by-step way (a.k.a the stages) of getting over a breakup. Whether you’re the breaker or the breaky. Some steps and stages might not apply to everyone, which is fine; everyone works differently.
- Breakup: Already done?.. perfect!
- Morn: You are very likely to miss your ex and it is perfectly find to be sad or angry.
- Distractions: This is where you try to keep your schedule full. Whether it be doing extra at work or making plans with friends. Just anything that keeps you busy and away from being by yourself. This is one stage that commonly goes unnoticed, but is very important. Most will look at it as, “Well, now that I’m not hanging out with my ex I have all this time to catch up with my friends.” which could easily be true. The best way to find out if you’re distracting yourself is to take a day to just relax, no extra work, no booked plans with friends, no busyness to your schedule, just a day for you to do low functioning things and to be with your thoughts. If you can’t stand being alone (not from boredom, but from feeling empty or sad), and you must stay busy, then you’re distracting yourself. And that’s perfectly fine, but do not get stuck in this stage!
- Change: You’ve already been through a big change of no longer having your sagnificant other with you, and now you might be looking around and thinking one of two things. Either, “I don’t need him/her! I just need to get rid of everything that reminds me of her/him.” or, “What the fuck have I been doing? Damn, I’m not happy with where I am.” And those thought are powerful. The second one is what lead me to quit my shit job and also start this blog. And I’m glad it did! This might also be the part where you start thinking about sex with someone else; it might be before this and it might be far after, but this is usually the part where sex comes in (personally, mine came before). And that’s fine! Don’t be worrying about your ex, or what he/she will think of you… they’re your ex for a reason. Have fun! But be safe, very safe. Do NOT jump right into another relationship. Lay down the ground rules that you only want friends with benefits and stick to that.
- Getting Healthy: (This is my favorite step. It’ll help with confidence, and happiness.) So you’ve been eating a little extra junk food since your breakup. That’s okay! If you can gain the extra squish, you can lose it as well. It just might take more time losing than gaining… but that doesn’t matter. You might be a little pissed that you don’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend anymore, so you’re going clean up your diet and hit the gym to make them wish they still had you. Even if that’s not what you want, you should do it anyway so you’re looking good for yourself. Plus you’ll start feeling pretty good too.
- Socialize: Now I know I just wrote take time for you and to not distract yourself, but this is a new stage. This is the point where you enjoy your free time and can be OK by yourself. Now it’s time to hangout with your friends and socialize with people.
- Being Content: The final step/stage. This is the part where you have your life back in order and you’re happy. You don’t regret your breakup, and you’re ready to fully move on. Yes, you might miss your ex, but more often than not it’s the memories that are missed. Through all of these steps/stages remember that they all take time, some longer than others, but you can and will get over them. Just stay strong and find your happy.
I got out of a four year relationship about four months ago. I thought that I was going to marry this guy. It all started off with me realizing that I didn’t know myself as a person; I only knew myself as “Brandon’s girlfriend”, as did everyone else. This is mainly my fault because he was pretty much the only thing I’d talk about. He was also the only person that I would hangout with. And a lot of the desicions I made went through him before I would act on them. It went all the way down to, “Hey, baby, do you think I could post this picture?”. So I told him that I thought we should break up so that I could “find myself” (I already know, *eye roll*), which of course ended dramatically. I didn’t really think that would be the full end of our relationship. I just thought that we would break up for a bit and then come back together, but I also didn’t want to take a break because I knew he would have expected me to check in with him and I would still feel guilty for even talking to other guys. I did let him know that I wasn’t sure if this was the true end of it and that if I found out I would tell him. I also told him that I didn’t expect him to wait around for me, if he found someone else within my “discovery” time that he could move on and I wouldn’t hold it against him. To be honest I think breaking up with him was one of the best decisions I made and I didn’t even tell anyone that I was going to do it. Well, after I made the commitment I felt very lost. And I noticed that I didn’t know how to make myself happy. I didn’t want to be alone whatsoever, I was always trying to make plans to avoid being by myself with my thoughts. And I knew that when I would make those plans I was just trying to distract myself and that was okay because I was in the first stage of the break up. I had gone from sleeping with one guy to three (Not all at once. Even though it’s perfectly fine for a woman to do that too.). But then soon I realized that I needed to take charge and I should be able to be alone without feeling empty. Now this part of the process started about two months ago, so I’m still working on it. After a while longer, I told him that we weren’t getting back together and it was final. Boy did he throw a fit! He was yelling at me, he yelled at my sister, he even yelled at my mum. I lost all respect for him after that. About fifteen minutes later he called me, and I just screamed at him. That day, I found out that I could be a very mean person, especially when you disrespect my family. It stayed like that for a bit then he apologized and asked if we could be friends. After he apologized and asked several more times I agreed. This next part I have to start out by informing you that he spoiled me in the relationship, but not always with good intentions because later he would use the typical “Well, I got this for you now you have to do these things for me.” method. So one of the things he gave me was a tablet because he got it for free with his new phone. At the time I didn’t have a phone and he thought it would be a good way to talk rather than sharing my mum’s phone. So I had all of my social media shit on there, logged in and opened. After a while, I ended up getting a phone so I didn’t use the tablet. And, as electronics do when they don’t get charged, it died. When Brandon and I had our last argument, he took away the tablet. Well, two weeks ago he messaged me just with the word “slut”. Then after that he sent me a screenshot of a flirtatious message that I had had with the guy I’m seeing now. He had finally charged the tablet and saw the messages after our breakup and decided that I was a slut for moving on. I felt kind of bad because it hit me that he hadn’t moved on at all, and that was very obvious since he was going through my stuff on an old tablet. So we got into another argument and he hasn’t talked to me since… thankfully.