As some may know, I recently broke up with my boyfriend of four years. Pain and healing is likely to come with it. So I’m going to write out my personal step-by-step way (a.k.a the stages) of getting over a breakup. Whether you’re the breaker or the breaky. Some steps and stages might not apply to everyone, which is fine; everyone works differently.
- Breakup: Already done?.. perfect!
- Morn: You are very likely to miss your ex and it is perfectly find to be sad or angry.
- Distractions: This is where you try to keep your schedule full. Whether it be doing extra at work or making plans with friends. Just anything that keeps you busy and away from being by yourself. This is one stage that commonly goes unnoticed, but is very important. Most will look at it as, “Well, now that I’m not hanging out with my ex I have all this time to catch up with my friends.” which could easily be true. The best way to find out if you’re distracting yourself is to take a day to just relax, no extra work, no booked plans with friends, no busyness to your schedule, just a day for you to do low functioning things and to be with your thoughts. If you can’t stand being alone (not from boredom, but from feeling empty or sad), and you must stay busy, then you’re distracting yourself. And that’s perfectly fine, but do not get stuck in this stage!
- Change: You’ve already been through a big change of no longer having your sagnificant other with you, and now you might be looking around and thinking one of two things. Either, “I don’t need him/her! I just need to get rid of everything that reminds me of her/him.” or, “What the fuck have I been doing? Damn, I’m not happy with where I am.” And those thought are powerful. The second one is what lead me to quit my shit job and also start this blog. And I’m glad it did! This might also be the part where you start thinking about sex with someone else; it might be before this and it might be far after, but this is usually the part where sex comes in (personally, mine came before). And that’s fine! Don’t be worrying about your ex, or what he/she will think of you… they’re your ex for a reason. Have fun! But be safe, very safe. Do NOT jump right into another relationship. Lay down the ground rules that you only want friends with benefits and stick to that.
- Getting Healthy: (This is my favorite step. It’ll help with confidence, and happiness.) So you’ve been eating a little extra junk food since your breakup. That’s okay! If you can gain the extra squish, you can lose it as well. It just might take more time losing than gaining… but that doesn’t matter. You might be a little pissed that you don’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend anymore, so you’re going clean up your diet and hit the gym to make them wish they still had you. Even if that’s not what you want, you should do it anyway so you’re looking good for yourself. Plus you’ll start feeling pretty good too.
- Socialize: Now I know I just wrote take time for you and to not distract yourself, but this is a new stage. This is the point where you enjoy your free time and can be OK by yourself. Now it’s time to hangout with your friends and socialize with people.
- Being Content: The final step/stage. This is the part where you have your life back in order and you’re happy. You don’t regret your breakup, and you’re ready to fully move on. Yes, you might miss your ex, but more often than not it’s the memories that are missed. Through all of these steps/stages remember that they all take time, some longer than others, but you can and will get over them. Just stay strong and find your happy.